I Once Heard A Woman Be Told “Your Tits Are So Small, No Wonder You Play Fighting Games”

I am a nerd (you right now: Oh really!?) So most of my friends fall into that category as well. Saying that, I have quite a few friends who work in the comic industry, all the way from conception to sales, and a lot of them are women.

One complaint I commonly hear is about the large amount of mansplaining they endure, despite being in the industry for many years.

And a common counter arguements I hear is that “it doesnt happen”, “its just a few people”, or even “it is kind of deserving cause so few women read comics”. To all of those, no. Just no. Sexist behavior exist in nerd culture as much as it exist in any other portion of life. For sure as anti feminism and even then it gets worse when looked at from a certain other aspect, because it is the most bizzare thing to happen amongst a large portion of people bullied by society for not fitting the “norm”…
Toxic masculinity.

Just so that we are all on the same page for this one, lets make sure we understand what toxic masculinity means in this case and the concept of the “destined man”. It is the idea that there is a single guiding path of masculine behavior and that any sway from that course equals a weakened man. Men are suppose to be controlling, agressive, and dominating. If they are not those things they are weak (read weak as emotional or not the agressor in situations) and thus they are a “castrated” man.

Examples:

• -Be slightly agressive otherwise you are gay.
• -The idea that gay is even a insult.
• -Women who participate in a traditionally male activity, have to prove they participate to equal validation in the realm of toxic masculinity.
• -Be the aggressor and initiator in any romantic relationship you may have or want because otherwise you are nothing more a castrated man.
• -Women are protected figures or eye candy. Outside of those categories, they do not register as real women. The only reason you protect them is as a reward.

Lets make it clear. I’m not saying every person who identifies as a fan of pop culture, participates in this.

But it exists and the denial is real. Early in my career I covered fighting game tournaments. I found it strange that despite them generally being a unisex event, few women showed up to participate other than the ones who came to support their friends. I was made to believe it was normal. That women were not attracted to the activity. I believed that until I reached a certain event (whose name I will not mention cause its not the runners fault), where a girl entered, and the assault began.

“How can you play with my dick in your mouth?”.

“Your tits are so small, no wonder you play fighting games”.

“Mind if i slip my cock in before I push the (start) button”.

“I thought I smelled fish but I realized that is just that rank pussy of yours but don’t worry. I would still fuck the stink out of you”

This was years ago (since then the bigger and better sponsored tournaments I have covered have been extremely welcoming most of the time) but the experience always stayed with me. I know why it stood out, it was a worse case scenario. But in this instance of anti women behavior, I found the response given to the men whom did speak up in defense of this woman,  to be even more hostile. The crowd who berated a person, continued the assault on all people present whom simply said to stop. We were informed that she is likely a fake gamer girl. She was only there cause she knew few women would be there and thus she could have the attention she “wanted”. That we were white knights who would never get girlfriends cause we were too weak.

When you tell people that anti feminism and toxic masculinity permeates into nerd/geek sub cultures, you get disbelief. People are use to those things happening among men who are sports fans and spend all their time dreaming about fast cars. They are the guys who go to bars and hit on women cruelly while nerdy men “listen to women’s problems and become their friends yet never get picked because women only want assholes who secretly abuse them”. This ties into the traditional ideas of toxic masculinity. That emotional availability and intellectualism equate to anti-masculine traits.

But I want to introduce the idea that toxic masculinity is transitive. It adjusts itself to different circles and vibes. Since the large build up of people in the counter culture of niche media fandom, think themselves hyper intelligent, intelligence became a part of being a manly nerd. Emotional sensitivity is cool for a person to display, because baggage makes you deep, plus you willingly listening to a woman’s problems means you are close and better than the other men.

No. You are being a good fellow human.

But why does this happen? It after all isn’t a deep truth about all men. Well you see it happens like this:

1. A man grows up being rejected by women and blames that rejection on a lack of acceptance of what he is interested in. Ends up thinking if he meets a woman with hobbies the same as him he will be no longer rejected.
2. Gets older and begins to meet women with the same interest who still reject him and instead of deep introspection to see what their actual faults are, the men instead claim they must be fake and the women are only in the hobby to get attention.
3. Women must now prove their worth (status as nerd) to show that their rejection is truly solidly built. If they do, they must be stuck up then because no way the man could be flawed because nice guy.

In the realm of destined men, women live in two opposing sides of a scale. They either exist to placate and mother you, versus a role as a sex object. They are the reward that media taught you being a good person earns you. That being a hero earns you. While I have said you many times in this, know that once again I am not speaking generally. We again are talking about how toxic masculinity happens to thrive within certain recognizable facets of geekdom. That indeed just because many of us only watch the Super Bowl for movie and game trailers, or you might have difficulties speaking to a random woman in a bar, you have the capabilities of trying too hard to be a “man” in your own right.

Never forget that we live in a world where this sign had to be officially made and posted by a convention.

With other conventions following suit. I saw majority of people agreeing with this saying they would never bother anyone, but then ask yourselves…

Who are the people harassing others then, if everyone is saying the don’t do it?